homewreckers
why is it that when couples break up and either of them start dating someone else almost immediately, people immediately assume that that new person wrecked the relationship? for example, nick lachey, jessica simpson, and cacee cobb. people are calling cacee a homewrecker. i agree she's a nasty-looking thing, but that nick-jessica relationship wasn't going anywhere in the first place. so i went and posted on purpleolfblog :)
i'm going to use the "he cheated on her" perspective just to make the pronouns easier to deal with. seriously, first of all what gives you the right to own or call dibs on another person. in a relationship, every second you are constantly deciding to be with each other in a certain capacity. and not only that, you are deciding INDIVIDUALLY and without coercion. how can you decide for him? how can you have the gall to limit his choices on who he wants to see? you wouldn't want him to do that for you would you? you wouldn't want him to prevent you from making friends with his uber hot best friend, or from making other male friends of your own. this isn't pure jealousy, it's selfishness.
also, why the hell assume the new girl is a relationship "wrecker"? is the guy so out of touch with himself that he can't make a proper decision on who he "really needs"? what gives you the right to assume that that right person is you? is the guy so weak that he can't resist the new girl's charms? that is sometimes the excuse they use in rape. do you really want to keep thinking that way?
relationships that are supposed to work will. if they don't it is the fault of no one but the people in it. if you can't find any other explanation, well, you're just nasty and nobody likes you and all the other people are just better than you. too bad.
posted by Sharkmeat at 12/07/2005 10:35:00 AM
20 Comments:
I agree with you. Nick is the one who had made a committment to Jessica. If he cheated with whomever, then it was his responsibility, not the other person because the other person had no committment to be faithful too. Granted, if it happened, its still sleazy but why doesn't he get any blame if its true?
7/12/05 11:01
you know what the problem is, it's that people want to put blame on others. its a case of immaturity when you don't own up to it yourself and for that matter you don't want to, you find another reason. when one is in a relationship its not all about love, there are many other factors involved like respect, trust and the satisfaction of self. if those don't accompany the love, than can you really love that person wholeheartedly. now i'm not an example of good relationships but with my experiences esp. lately i see that a relationship will work when the two individuals are comfortable with each other and they can compromise, other than that it won't work or it will take time too. but if your so in to that other person without concentrating on your own needs than how can you be in a relationship. we need to be happy with who we are first and then share that with someone. it goes back to the whole thing about being secure with yourself. People who blame others aren't secure with themselves and don't want to deal with the situation so they try to take the spotlight off of themselves.
7/12/05 11:06
and actually the tabloids are saying she cheated not him. Cacee actually feels bad for him, that's the latest. i think the fact that she moved in and it was on national tv took it's toll on the marriage, the first two years are an adjustment. but i wouldn't know that's what i hear.
7/12/05 11:10
I've only been skimming through this (meant to be working after all!) but I have always thought that if X & Y are going out and X cheats on Y with Z, that Z is also guilty. I would never do anything with a taken guy and I don't think very highly of people who will do something with someone who's taken. Yes, something is clearly wrong with X & Y's relationship if X wants to cheat, but I think they should sort it out. Adding another person to the mess makes things a lot worse and hurts people so much more than breaking up with them and AFTERWARDS getting together with someone. Cheating is wrong from all sides even you're officially the single one.
7/12/05 11:13
I think homewrecker applies when there's a family involved. If a cute younger woman tries to seduce a man who's married with kids, she's trying to wreck the home. It's his fault too, but it's also her fault, and the wife needs some name to call her. With kids, your marriage isn't just about you and your wife anymore.
7/12/05 11:13
o rly! that's fun news =)
she better make the best of her youth and cheat now. have you seen her lately? she looks worse and worse every month. her looks are deteriorating twice as fast as the average hollywood celebrity
7/12/05 11:13
Roflmao. You're all polyamorous and you don't even know it.
Yeah, relationships are all about give and take and deciding when, how and why you want to be together. At some point you might say to each other 'I believe I'd like to be with you for as long as possible' and that's about the most honest you can get about it. But this kind of thinking makes people very uncomfortable, so they try to deal in absolutes and then they get their feelings hurt when they find out they're wrong.
Anyone else find a small amount of evil satisfaction that this bitch remained a virgin until she was married and now it's all for naught? *cackle*
7/12/05 11:20
ghoste - true true. let's simplify it and call it relationship wrecker :) ya when there are kids it is a whole different matter. as in, if someone now comes in between angelina jolie and brad pitt, well it's not as simple as coming in between brad and jennifer aniston. i hear he's adopting them btw.
tanja, okay, so exactly what makes Z guilty? in a relationship that was gonna break up anyway, a catalyst is sometimes better for it. it doesn't change the ultimate outcome. and unless Z is literally crawling into bed with both X and Y there, it isn't rubbing it into anybody's face.
on an additional note, what is with people believing that everyone must go into a post-relationship "sensitivity period" where they cannot date someone else for fear of hurting their ex's feelings. life isn't fair and sweet. move the fuck on.
7/12/05 11:21
I think the thing is that I think people should respect relationships. Yes, obviously something is wrong in the relationship if person X wants to cheat - but if someone sees that they have the desire to cheat they should do something more mature about it. Either break up with the person, or work your problems out. You say life isn't fair. I'd like to make life a bit more fair. Sure people will get hurt, but being hurt is not fun and shouldn't we all help each other people hurt less? There isn't anyway to please everyone in the world, but I think there are things that we can do be make it better. This means not sleeping with someone who is taken! I just want to be more optimistic and positive about life and make the world a better place. Saying cheating is fine, doesn't make the world a better place. And if you're the one helping someone cheat, you're just helping make other people even more miserable...
7/12/05 11:27
<3 arty. i think that's a great way to put it. people announce relationships, even marriages, for emotional stability. so you can say "so-and-so loves only me forever and ever". part of the reason why break ups hurt so much is cause when you find out you're wrong, a bunch of social paranoias come about. ie, you think people think you're a noob, you no longer have a relationship to show off, etc etc. well tell you what, that shit is selfish.
7/12/05 11:28
i agree with tanja, on that Z would have some responsibility of breaking the relationship apart. yeah that person is attracted to the attached person but when it is known that there is a relationship there, as an honest person and respectful person one should walk away. the thing is that society has put to much emphasis on the idea of getting what you want without consequence. what is that all about? and when you are a celebrity, and the whole world knows about it you are rubbing it in. on the other hand, i don't think there should be a period of singlehood for the other person's sake, if anything it should be for your own sake, so i agree with you on that sharkmeat.
7/12/05 11:31
well actually i take back what i say about life being fair in this context. i spoke wrongly here. life is fair. it's just people don't realize that fair is harsh. i disagree with you tho, sometimes it ain't all that easy to break up with someone you really want to break up with. sometimes you really need that kick in ass. this explanation doesn't make it right but that is the alternate viewpoint. to me, there is never any reason to blame the third party for your relationship breaking.
with this accomplice thing, well it isn't so right in criminal law, so i'll leave reasoning that out to the resident lawyer-in-training.
7/12/05 11:33
Okay...I'll agree with you that you can't blame the third person for the relationship breaking. Like I said before, obviously the relationship is in the process of breaking if someone's going to cheat. But I liked the words Des used..."an honest and respectful person should walk away". I really lack respect for people who think it's fine to sleep with someone who's taken. I don't think life needs to be as harsh as it is. I think you just have a pessimistic view of the world, sharkmeat! ;) I really think we should all respect each other more. Cheaters (on either side!) are very much lacking in respect for others and just being selfish.
7/12/05 11:45
i suppose, tho i don't go for guys in relationships more cause i don't like sharing sausage.
7/12/05 11:52
okay since no one is going to post in response to that. read it as: "i don't go for guys in relationships because of the ick factor"
SO THERE
NOW POST DAMMIT
=)
7/12/05 12:03
Let's just say that it's a shitty thing to do, shall we? It may not be my responsibiity not to sleep with someone who has a SO, but I wouldn't like it if (assuming I was in a committed mono relationship) someone did it to me, so I wouldn't do it to someone else. Make sense? I don't like dishonesty, so why would I want to sleep with someone who was being dishonest, even if it's not directed at me.
Note my not using the word "taken"? I find it abhorrent. I am not taken and I am not owned because I am not property. I am not yours and you are not mine. Yuck. If you want to deal in terms of relationship negotiation, you could say that X promised to be fidelitous to Y, but that tends to take too much time/effort and people are lazy.
And, since I'm in K (contract) class right now I'll make mention of this. These two made a K to care for each other and not have sex with anyone else (presumably) and one of them breached. Yep, this is how I view marriage and I think that anyone who sees it otherwise is delusional (religous aspects aside) or lying to themself. That said, why do people enter into these Ks? To make themselves feel better? Because it's what people do? *shrug* I've no idea, but I think it's silly.
Mary, do you read Sartre?
7/12/05 12:07
Pfft. What ick factor?
7/12/05 12:09
I never said Z shouldn't have responsibility butit irks me when Z is the only one who takes blame when the party in the relationship should be taking blame as well.
Marriage doesn't say "so and so will love me forever." It says we're going to tough it out and make this work even during the times when love fades. Idealistically anyway. This coming from a divorcee, haha.
sausage sharing, hahahaha.
7/12/05 12:09
heh ick factor. well let's just call it that instead of the details shall we. :)
well, the other reason is because i wouldn't be attracted to someone who would cheat on their significant other. my opinion is suck it up and break up with your SO first. to me the "accomplice" isn't involved in so dishonesty so much as the actual cheater, unless they deny anything happening, and deny that yes there is a relationship that interfering.
i read maybe one or two books in french class. En Attendant Godot - was that sartre? also Huis Clos
i agree chris that marriage shouldn't be a promise of continuous love (cause, really that is impossible to foresee), but i think a lot of people take it as such.
7/12/05 12:33
I'm not sure if Waiting for Godot is Sartre or not...I know No Exit is. "Hell is other people." I just mention it because of his relationship to Simone de Beauvoir -- they were together for 40-some years, but they never got married. They believed that you couldn't say that you would love someone for the rest of your life. You can't say what you'll think, feel, etc in two minutes much less two years, much less twenty years.
Isn't it just inefficient to say that you'll stick with someone and try to make a relationship work if you don't love that person? Maybe inefficient is the wrong word...what am I looking for here? Stupid. That's the one.
And it's likely that people believe that marriage is a promise of continuous love because it's in the traditional vows.
7/12/05 13:03
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